Michael McDonald, some of you may actually have known that he use to be in the Doobie Brothers, until he decided to have an amazingly successful solo career and ultimately end up having his music played religiously on every light music station across the United States.  What most people don’t know is that he collaborated with Nate Dog and Warren G to do a second version of Regulate where McDonald sings a chorus from one of his many terrible songs “I Keep Forgetting we’re not in love anymore…” (my apologies, that’s probably going to be in your head all day now) at various points in the song Regulate.  I love the original version of Regulate, but this  second version, every time I hear it, it just takes me to a special place, but it also makes me wonder how two West Coast rappers were even aware of one of the whitest singers around and secondly why they would think collaborating with him would be necessary to increase the popularity of what was surely their biggest hit?  (I would have provided the link to the youtube video but I’m on vacation and even more technologically handicapped than normal)  I can just hear Nate and Warren discussing this over a bowl of cheerios before they get ready to record another monster hit.  “Hey Nate, you know what could get every single black person to hate us and the song Regulate?”

“I have no idea, why don’t you enlighten me Nate.”

“If we can that guy Michael McDonald, dude who use to sing for the Doobie Brothers, to inexplicably sing one of his choruses from a song of his in the middle of Regulate.”

“You’re right that could turn every black person in America against us, but it may get a few  white people to like the song, let’s get in touch with him, I heard he likes to go roller skating on singles night at the local skating rink, maybe we can talk to him about it there.”

“Sounds like a plan, can you pass me the milk?”

I have honestly been driving down the road and a Michael McDonald song will come on the radio, midway into the second verse I am so hypnotized by his melodic voice that I don’t even realize I am still listening to the song, instead of immediately turning the station at the first clue that a song of his is being played.  For whatever reason the guy has a hold over me even though his music is terrible.  The reason I go into this is because for the first time in my life, and this could only happen in Florida, I heard the song Escape two days in  a row played on the radio.  For those of you who are not as familiar with Escape as I am, it’s the “if you like Pina Colada’s” song.  This may be one of my favorite songs of all time.  Whenever I hear it it instantly puts me in a good mood no matter how bad of a day I am having.  The premise of the song is that a guy is tired of his “old lady” (try getting away with using the term “old lady” in a song today) and puts an ad in the personals about what he is looking for in a new mate.  He wants someone who obviously likes frozen alcoholic beverages as well making love at midnight in the dunes of the cape (who doesn’t?)  along with them not being into yoga and having half a brain.  Ultimately, he sets up a meet with someone who responds to his ad and it turns out to be his old lady.

I’m not sure why I like the song, it seems like it would be something Jack Tripper would play at the Regal Begal when he’s trying to score some tail, but to me it tells a great story that is often times all too common in relationships.  Complacency causes boredom which in turn causes wandering by one party or both parties in the relationship.  According to the song, he didn’t even know that his old lady liked Pina Colada’s but now he does and that is a solid way to reboot an other wise failing relationship, a mutual affinity for Pina Colada’s. Escape was written and sung by Rupert Holmes and was the final song to be number one when 1979 concluded.  Now I know Shirley like’s Margaritas, but I’m not sure what her stance is on Pina Colada’s, does she like them, merely tolerate them, or disdain them?  This family vacation has been a bit taxing on our relationship so maybe I need to pull the Pina Colada card to get us heading in the right direction as our trip concludes.

While it took a lot of courage to admit that Escape is one of my all time favorite songs,there’s something else that actually occurred on this very trip that is somewhat shameful and could actually keep me from consideration for the parenting hall of fame.  Last night I ran out for Margarita mix and Tequila, but the real reason for my excursion was so I could go out for ice cream by myself.  I did some Googleing and had determined what the best ice cream place in the Bradenton area appeared to be and I decided that last night was the night to find out if it stacked up against the likes of Shermans’ (the best ice cream I have ever had but unfortunately inconveniently located in South Haven, I actually stopped at Wal Mart one time and bought a styrofoam cooler so I could transport two half gallons back with me to GR on my way back from court in Beton Harbor)

I was flying solo and loving it, obviously I felt a bit guilty about that fact, but it was amazing for two reasons;  because I didn’t have my kids with me it was as if I had just been released from a lengthy prison stint and on top of that all the old people were already off the roads and likely in bed (it was 7:45pm).  The traffic around here is truly dreadful during the day when the old farts are out and about and I actually considered just driving around for a couple hours to enjoy the lack of gridlock and kids.  The name of the ice cream place I decided on was Tylers and as I entered it felt all wrong to not have my kids with me, but all wrong in all the right ways.

I scanned the ice cream selections and scanned them again, something I would never been able to do with my kids, take my time on my ice cream selection, because they immediately clamor for ice cream the minute they see it.  As I scanned the flavors one particular flavor caught my attention, Creamy Goodness, I was immediately intrigued.  I asked one of the teenage girls behind the counter what exactly creamy goodness was (even when I’m not trying to be creepy I still come off as creepy) and she said it was chocolate ice cream, crushed oreos, and marshmallow.  I’m not a big fan of marshmallow, but thought I would give it a taste.  It was delicious!  So I decided on a waffle cone with that flavor on bottom and a scoop of malted milk ball on top.  You know what makes ice cream taste even better than normal?  Not having your kids around to dampen the ice cream eating experience.  Typically both my kids, even thought they have their own ice cream, are more interested in mine than theirs and are constantly asking for bites of mine.  Of course, when I ask for some of theirs they never oblige.  Without my kids around I had no one I had to share my ice cream with, although I did offer some creamy goodness to one of the other patrons.  (sorry I couldn’t resist that last line)

The true question is why we as humans willingly enter into a parasitic relationship?  Out in the wild parasites are avoided at all costs, but we openly walk into this thing called parenting where are children will take, take, and take with very little in return.  Granted, Ted is quite cute, but if I want cute I can get a puppy, and no puppy I have ever owned has tried to get at my ice cream.  On top of that puppy’s love you no matter what, kids do not.  I can’t tell you how many times I’ve heard “I don’t like you daddy” because I am not giving in to my kid’s unreasonable demands.  That being said, I probably need to go back to Tyler’s with my kids to determine if the ice cream is actually good, the euphoria of not having my kids with me may have caused me to misjudge the actual quality of their ice cream.  I’ll have to write my google review after a trip there with my kids, or maybe I’ll just go run out for some Pina Colada mix instead.

 

(This may be my last blog from Florida, my battery is down to 12 percent and Shirley left the charging cord at home.  She has her work computer, but knowing Shirley she probably won’t let me use it for blogging purposes, but I will try my best, Florida is blogging heaven with all the material to write about)