Monday morning, the first morning the kids were suppose to return to school after Christmas break saw them getting tested for Covid to determine when they would be allowed back for in person learning. The following morning a heated argument arose between Shirley and I regarding who is to blame for this nightmare. She blamed me for bringing Covid into our house and I blamed her for making the epic mistake of getting tested and putting the Jansma family on the radar of the Fourth Reich (The Michigan Health Department). Typically I am willing to take full responsibility for my negligent behavior but in this case what I had pulled off was akin to Ron Jeremy wearing no protection his entire porn career and coming down with penal warts the day before he retires. Not exactly a win, but an accomplishment none the less. I made it ten months and had avoided a virus that is more prevalent than cheapness is in Dutch circles. I wore a mask, I social distanced, but I wasn’t going to change my pre-covid lifestyle to avoid contracting a virus I knew had little to no chance of having any type of significant impact on my health. I also knew it was inevitable that I would contract it at some point but in life timing is everything and this was the worst possible time to come down with the vid. Parker was in the room while we were going back and forth but high tailed it once he realized this was a code red after Shirley dropped an F bomb. Had I been thinking clearly I would have strongly opposed Shirley being tested, what good was it going to do? With Shirley’s positive test now it was a matter of hoping the kids tested positive so they could return to school sooner rather than later. The smart play would have been to forego the test and just keep the kids out of school for a week claiming some type of unrelated covid illness. Shirley’s concern was the danger we would put the people visiting my mom in now that she is living with us. However, we didn’t need a positive test to tell them to stay away for a week due to Shirley losing her sense of taste and smell as well as exhibiting other covid symptoms. We agreed to disagree as to who was at fault but I had logic on my side, what good did the covid test do? It’s like getting tested for Herpes, you already know you have it, why put yourself through the anguish of the testing procedure? Just get some black market Valtrex and move on with your life.

As I was getting the kids breakfast Shirley came down and said she spoken to some doctor who is in charge of something where she works and she had told him that she ended up getting tested, he told her that now she was on the Health Department’s list and a marked women along with everyone else in her household. Finally she acknowledged that maybe a test wasn’t the best way to go. Making matters worse, the kids came back negative pushing their return to school date out even further. Adding insult to injury, Shirley gave my cell number to Fourth Reich to circle back with me and tell me what I was suppose to do and not do. I was not making the same mistake Shirley did, no test for me. Sure enough Tuesday morning I received a call from a volunteer who was working for the Fourth Reich. Even the least perceptive person could sense the hostility as the conversation started. The women started out by telling me how seriously MDH takes Covid which was the window I needed to jump in and respond “yes, too seriously based on the mortality rate being .0006% of the population” she responded by saying it was way higher to which I countered that there was a huge chunk of the population who had it but never knew it and as a result were not tested, or knew they had had it and chose not to get tested like me. She started in about quarantining but I wasn’t having any of it explaining that I had it before my wife and that I was out of my window to quarantine. In closing I told her that the worker that spoke with Shirley would’t accept the date for her onset of symptoms and our kids are therefore being deprived of in school learning as a result. (we need those bastards back in school as quickly as possible, things are falling apart at the seems over here) She claimed she was going to speak to her direct supervisor about it but I doubt there will be any type of rectification of the onset of symptoms date for Shirley. I like to think it was refreshing for the volunteer to finally speak with someone who had it together and wasn’t playing the game, but I’m sure it probably ruined her entire day, she was a definite Karen.

I had sworn that if my kids were held out of school for any extended period of time we would load up and go to Florida. Unfortunately, Shirley isn’t too keen on this idea so we may have to make way for the Sunshine state under the cover of darkness. One of the problems is that I keep forgetting my kids, because they are kids and tested negative and have no symptoms and can’t pass it on, are suppose to quarantine. I wanted to take them to tennis lessons yesterday and get them started on routine of Tuesday and Thursday tennis lesson but Shirley squashed that idea immediately. The real problem is I know how things should be handled and the protocol seems to be the opposite of the proper way to deal with kids who don’t have Covid, can’t pass Covid, and need to get out of the house before one of their parents kills them. What makes matters even worse is that my idea about how things are done are typically shot down by Shirley, and she always adds that all of the doctors she works with disagree with everything I am saying. Well, guess who else is a Dr (besides me, a doctor of the law, but a doctor none the less) yes, Fauci is a doctor and he’s an idiot, so why would I listen to a doctor when I have ten months of dealing with covid under my belt? On top of all of that, Shirley finally snapped today and summoned me to come home and deal with the kids. I had a consult this morning as well as some virtual court hearings, the consult had to be at my office and the virtual court hearings were best to be dealt with from there as well. Shirley has been entrenched in her home office since the beginning of all this but claims I can use the auxiliary office which is really a spare bedroom down in the basement where Jasper sleeps most of the day away and just so happens to have a desk in it. She summarily jumped off the phone without me agreeing to come home. However, I canceled my 2pm tennis match and texted her that I would be home after I finished a couple things up at the office. I wasn’t planning on throwing my hat into the ring for HOTY (husband of the year) in 2021 having already claimed the championship belt DOTY in 2020 by taking my kids to a waterpark to close out the year, but why not? Why can’t I go back to back?