The last couple of weeks have felt like I’ve been living life as if it were Pulp Fiction, nothing seems sequential and things that I though occurred in a linear fashion probably didn’t. The kids had the last two week off from school and had not missed a single in person school day other than for our mini vacation to Phoenix in November. Most of Christmas Break involved them on their electronics while Shirley and I continued to work. Fortunately, we finally received a decent amount of snow and I was able to convince the kids that we should go sledding at Johnson Park. While the snow wasn’t exactly ideal in light of the fact that I still have yet to hire a plow service, and not to brag, but we have a really long driveway, fortunately I was able to make due with my old snowblower which I re-acquired from my father in law on Saturday. Yes, my Dutch ass is refusing to hire a plow service due to the lack of snow that we have had so far and the likelihood that I wouldn’t get my money’s worth when it comes to plowing unless we get dumped on the next two months. As the kids and I were heading to the sliding hill I received two separate calls from Shirley, the first was to tell me that Amazon was refusing to deliver down to our house because our driveway wasn’t fully plowed. I had blown out the driveway on Saturday afternoon and we received a dusting of snow Saturday night. Amazon not delivering to our house would have no impact on my life, and actually may be a blessing if it precludes Shirley from ordering up her daily deliveries from the internet bully that has continued to put small business out of business as it becomes the most powerful entity in the universe.

The second phone call was to alert me to the fact that Shirley had tested positive for Covid. This is where the last two weeks get’s pulp fiction like, did Vincent Vega eat at the diner before he injected Uma Thurman with adrenaline so she didn’t die from a heroin overdose? Did they bring in the Gimp before or after Christopher Walden hid his dad’s watch up his ass? The Monday before Christmas I went for a run and as I embarked on my journey it began to rain, it was just warm enough that it was rain and not snow but I needed to blow off some steam so I decided to just put one foot in front of the other. Now this is where it gets pulp fiction like, there was a night where I was coughing so much that Shirley asked me to go sleep in the guest bedroom, I don’t recall if that was before or after I went on my run, but it was likely the first symptom of the VID fro me. Ironically, once I relocated to the guest bedroom I stopped coughing. The only reason that it is important to pinpoint my first symptoms is if the Health Department calls I need to tell them when the onset was so that I can assure them I am already out of quarantine. Regardless, even if it was sometime that week, or even yesterday, I’m not a believer in quarantine, but I don’t need the government on my back telling me what to do even more than they are already doing. Flashback to the week before Christmas, at some point I had the chills and I want to say it was on Christmas morning but it may have been Christmas Eve, however, I was expecting a lot more, the hype surrounding Covid seems to be more overblown than that surrounding Tua Tagovailoa. One hour of discomfort coupled with an annoying cough can’t be the symptoms that result from such a devastating virus. Not that I am the type of guy to run in and get tested at the first possible symptom, but I saw no reason to think that I had contracted Rona.

We continued on to Johnson Park and it was bumpin. Lots of people had the same idea we did and it was good to see there was something that Whitler couldn’t take away from us, the outdoors. Granted, a sledding hill always attracts a high percentage of hill rods, and based on the contingent at Johnson Park you would have thought it was a gun and knife show at the Delta Plex based upon the number of trucks with lifts on them in located in the parking lot. Protocol when sledding on a public hill is to go up the side, similar to a playground slide. However, you always get those kids who decide they are going to climb right up the middle of the hill where all the traffic is. On top of that, you also get the kids who decide to slide down the side of the hill where all of the foot traffic is. As the kids and I were making our way up the hill there was a guy with his back turned to the hill, huge mistake, you never turn your back on the hill, it’s like getting out of your go kart when it spins out on the go kart track, instead of waiting for an employee to get you back on track. Sure enough, as I started yelling “watch out!” to the guy some chubby kid on an inter tube took the guy’s out at legs out. The guy looked at me from the ground as if it was my fault that he violated the number one rule of public sledding hills. Fortunately, neither I or the kids suffered any type of injury as we went up and down the hill for roughly an hour.

On the way home it was determined that the kids needed to be out of school for at least a week. Apparently there is some kind of protocol for exposure to Covid that relies on people being forthright about contact and the onset of symptoms. Had it been up to me, the kids would have been in school as I write this blog, but Shirley brought them in to get tested this morning and depending on the results it looks like best case scenario there are learning remotely this entire week. I’ve opted to forego a test, I know I had it, it’s the only way Shirley would have contracted it since she doesn’t leave the house. I on the other hand am a bit more active and could have picked it up at a number of places. Pinpointing the onset of my own symptoms is no small feat, but the onset of symptoms in my kids? They always seem lethargic when they aren’t on their devices, and I’m suppose to pay close enough attention to them to determine if they have some of the other symptoms associated with Covid?

Ironically, between Christmas and New Years the kids and I traveled to a water park in Sandusky (the butthole of Ohio) to escape the reign of terror that is the Whitmer administration. Ohio is rampant with Covid but I figured the water park had just the right amount of chlorine and urine to keep the kids and I out of harms way. We arrived late Tuesday night and made our way to our room. My original plan was to go out to a real live restaurant to experience how life would be had we not elected the dumbest human being on the planet as our governor. However, I took the easy way out and we decided to eat at the burger place at the water park. It didn’t seem overly busy but it still took over an hour to get our food, this didn’t bother the kids because they had my phone for entertainment, and it didn’t bother me as much as it would have under normal circumstances because it felt good to be doing something I use to do on a regular basis, go out to eat, even if our food didn’t arrive promptly. After dinner we retreated to the room and I nodded off as the kids played on their devices. The next morning I headed out to get a cold brew and some stuff from Meijers as well as make a business related phone call and grab breakfast for the kids. When I returned the kids seemed to be in no hurry to get into the water park. Eventually we made our way down and decided on the biggest slide for our first ride in the park. No one in the park had a mask on and no one seemed to be all that concerned about social distancing. Up until that point I had never understood why anyone would willingly give up meat, but if the moral superiority of watching someone eat meat when you don’t is anything like I felt when looking at all the obvious bad choices the water park patrons had made (tattoos, over eating, piercings, being at a waterpark) I totally got why my goofy brother in law wanted to eat an impossible burger from Bk instead of going to Arby’s.

Next up on the waterpark tour was Flow Rider,(It had to be good with a name that similar to my favorite rapper Flo Rida) this was a simulator that allowed the kids to boogie board on a man made wave. There was probably a point in time where I would have tried this with the kids but I opted to take video of it instead of ending up in the back of an ambulance. Aiden was first up and did better than I had expected but still not good, Parker did fine and the kids seemed to have enjoyed it. We then proceeded to another water slide that was one we rode individually as opposed to the first slide where we were all together on a tube. This slide was a lot harder on the body and the kids decided they wanted to go play in a part of the park that seemed to be designated for kids half their age but I went along with it because it allowed me to sit on the sidelines. I went to gather our stuff and bring it to the play area so that I could try and keep an eye on them. Somehow they had managed to sneak out of the park and back to the room while I had gone to gather our belongings and face timed me from their I pad asking me where I was as I stood guard thinking I was watching them. I assumed that they would want to come back to the water park since we had only been there a little over an hour, they didn’t. At this point in the trip I became seriously conflicted, do I make them come back down so we can all be miserable in the water park but get our moneys worth? Or do I concede the fact that this was a bad idea (going to a water park during normal circumstances is a bad idea, during a pandemic it’s probably a sign of true desperation) and go back to the room for some leisure time? My desire to get away from the pasty fat tattooed patrons of the water park won out and we didn’t set foot back in the water park for the remainder of the trip.

Who would have thought that my kids deciding to retreat to the hotel room may have saved thousands of lives? The unfortunate thing is that with Shirley getting tested we are now on the Health Department’s radar and they are claiming the kids can’t go back to school until January 21. The complete overreaction continues, with no rhyme or reason as to why the protocols are done or why they need to be followed. Aiden had a headache at some point and Parker has yet to experience any symptoms but they can’t go back to school for over two weeks? They wear masks and social distance at school and they don’t have any symptoms. On top of that I’m riding a roller coaster when it comes to Shirley, one minute she’s telling me I don’t care about people (I don’t) and that I brought Covid into our house and the next minute she’s making fun of her mom for saying “you just never know” when it comes to Covid. What’s it going to be? Pick a lane, either this is complete nonsense and you have no respect for those people who have lived the last ten months in fear, or everyone who questions the legitimacy of this is a monster on the level of Ted Bundy or Roger Goodell. The good news is that getting it prior to our trip in mid February to St. Thomas is a blessing, contracting Covid right before we are suppose to leave won’t be a problem, I need that trip more than I have needed anything in my life, had you given me a date certain as to when this nonsense would be done I could work towards that goal, but with no end in sight and not much to look forward to, that trip is the only thing keeping me putting one foot in front of the other.