Monday morning I was getting ready to get the kids out the door and in the middle of the kitchen putting the kids snacks in their back pack, suddenly something went running across the floor.  I immediately started thinking about how horrific it is to have a mouse run across your floor in front of you as you’re minding your own business.  This isn’t the first mouse encounter I have had at our house, last winter as I was watching TV there was a mouse scurrying about and distracting me from my television viewing.  The ultimate question is: “what’s worse? having mice or having a cat?”   My children know my stance on cats, I dislike them and have had a number of negative encounters with cats over my lifetime.  Unfortunately, Parker is bound and determined to have a cat.  Last spring he found a flyer for a coupon for kitty litter and told his mom “we should save this for when dad dies and we get a cat.”  Due to my incessant yelling (actually just talking to my kids in a stern voice) my kids can’t wait until the door is opened for them to get a cat.

All four of you who read this blog are cognizant of the fact that my kids still come in to my bedroom and sleep next to Shirley’s side of the bed on the floor.  It use to be that they would come in between midnight and three am, but recently we have actually come in to go to bed only to find Aiden sound asleep in his sleeping bag next to Shirley’s bed (yes, there are two sleeping bags and two pillows waiting for the kids, we are partially to blame for the debacle our nights have become). Regardless of the percentages of blame to go around (I feel that Shirley takes all of the parental blame on this one since I have insisted that we put our foot down on this matter but have deferred to her because they sleep on her side of the bedroom).  While Aiden being asleep prior to us retiring for the night is problematic for one primary reason, one other issue is that I am a bit of a light sleeper, good sleeper I can fall asleep in 15 seconds and could sleep in a closet if necessary, but I do wake rather easily.  Aiden gets up from the floor every night around 3am to use the bathroom and always turns on the light even though we have a night light that illuminates our bathroom as if it were a street lamp over an urban street.  This wakes me up every night and this week I finally decided it was time to put this to an end.

There are many other reasons to put this to a stop but one big one is that we are going on spring break and sharing a house with another family.  The house will be entirely unfamiliar to the kids and there is a chance if this habit were to continue they could mistakenly end up in our friends bedroom.  However, if we just had the kids sleep with us from the get go and only utilize one bedroom an argument could be made for a reduced payment rate by the Jansma’s.  Regardless, the mouse and my children’s desire to have a kitten seemed to be an opening to incentivize the children remaining in their beds.  I told the kids yesterday morning that we could get a kitten but it hinged on their behavior.  They volunteered a number of services they were willing to provide so they could get a kitten and I responded by telling them the only way they were getting a kitten is if they remained in their beds moving into the weekend.  My kids had two different reactions to this news.  Parker was confident that he could do it and that we would be shopping for a kitten this weekend.  Aiden went the opposite direction and immediately started crying.  Parker told him to shut up so he could talk to me about the ground rules for acquiring a feline pet.  This led to Aiden scratching Parker and an overall unenjoyable ride to school.

It’s quite remarkable how different siblings can be.  Aiden was certain that there was no way he could ever remain in his own room but Parker believed in himself and was confident he could achieve the task.  Furthermore, on Monday when I picked the kids up I had Cheetos for them (don’t judge me).  After eating three Cheetos Aiden had “cheese” all over his pants, fingers, face and shirt.  Parker, after eating all of his allotted Cheetos was spotless.  No matter what they eat Aiden looks like he has been in an eating contest with his hands tied behind his back and Parker looks like the only thing he is allowed to eat is Kale.

Through out the day I was dreading last night, knowing that it was going to harken us back to the days of having infants.   Seven years as Aiden’s parent made me realize there was no way he wasn’t going to repeatedly attempt to come in our room and sleep next to Shirley.  As I was putting them to bed last night they were informed that their sleeping bags and pillows had been put away and that there was no bedding on the floor in our room to utilize.  This didn’t phase Aiden, probably because his resolve to sleep in our room didn’t require bedding on the floor, but Parker started crying and wanted to know where his sleeping bag was.  This was a 180 from his stance that morning so I did some quick thinking and showed them youtube videos of cats on catnip doing crazy things.  The first video I clicked on was of a women with four cats, feedings them all catnip as she talked to them like they were her very own offspring.  Made me think there is a market for a dating website called crazycatpeople.com.  That video was incredibly boring, and even my kids were losing interest, and they watch a Youtube channel called Ryan’s toy reveal where all the kid does is open toys.  (His parents make millions of dollars off this, just wanted to give my readers one more reason to be angry today) We switched to a compilation video of cats dong crazy things and this took Parker’s  mind off his sleeping bag and he went to sleep with little resistance.   I actually laughed at a number of the things the cats did,  but quickly realized the cat we get will do none of those things and likely try to kill me in my sleep.

As planned, Aiden came into our room and insisted on sleeping in our room, he was returned to his bed by Shirley but continued to protest eventually falling back asleep.  However, pretty much every hour after that he came back to our room and insisted that the hall light remain on as well as our bedroom door remain open.  So, at 2am I was wide awake and unable to go back to sleep because I need darkness to fall asleep.  Not only was Aiden disturbing us but he was also causing issues for Parker causing him to say “Aiden, I need my sleep!”  Eventually I made my way to the guest bedroom so that I could have pitch black conditions to continue to sleep.  As I retreated to the guest bedroom I had little confidence that Aiden would remain in his bed.  Sure enough, Parker came into the guest room a little after 6 and said to me “I thought you were going to put us back in our beds if we tried to sleep in your room?”  I responded “is Aiden not in your bed?” already knowing the answer to my question.

On the way to school Parker was allowed to watch my phone with ear buds in so that Aiden couldn’t see or hear it.  Additionally, the kids are getting no electronics if they come into our room.  Will this stop Aiden form coming in our room?  Probably not, he was willing to bust open his piggy bank last week and pay his mom to cuddle with him prior to going to bed when she said she was going to skip cuddle time and go down stairs and watch TV.  I imagine the next few days being magical for Parker as he remains in his bed, new toys, limitless access to electronics, all you can eat ice cream while Aiden eats bread and water and his only source of entertainment is little house on the prairie books (I can’t believe I actually enjoyed reading those books as a kid).

The reality is that I have painted myself into a corner somewhat, I don’t want a cat, I hate cats, they are disgusting creatures who climb on your counter with poop filled kitty litter marred paws, getting hair all over everything in their path, on top of that they would eat your corpse if you died and no one found you, a dog won’t do that that’s a fact.  On top of that, I know who is going to get stuck cleaning the litter box and feeding the damn thing. Now, in my haste to write this blog I haven’t researched “animatronic cats that catch mice and can fool a five year old into thinking its a real cat” but they have to be out there right?  I’d pay thousands of dollars for that.  My only fall back is hoping that Aiden doesn’t hold up his end of the bargain, but is it worth being woken up twelve times a night and my marriage slowly unraveling to avoid owning a cat?  Probably, but I do believe before it even gets to that Parker will duct tape Aiden to his bed so that he can finally accomplish his dream.