These two women were exposed to what could possibly be one of the most awkward threesome’s of all time.   First of all, I have never found Louis CK to be all that terribly funny, I even attempted to watch his show on FX but couldn’t get into it.  It’s a shame that other awful comedians such as Terry Fater, Jeff Dunham, George Lopez and every comedian who has participated in the red neck comedy tour don’t have the hang up that Louis Ck has, because then their careers could also plummet like the ratings for the NFL.  In my mind masturbating is best when done in complete solitude.  However, Mr. Ck seems to think that adding a couple of extra people to watch makes it that much more fun.  In my opinion broaching the “do you mind if I take my penis out and masturbate in front of you?” question would take some thorough vetting.  Mr. Ck would have been better served presenting these two women with a questionnaire, instead of just inviting them up to his hotel room and getting completely naked in front of them (wouldn’t just pulling it out of your pants suffice?  I realize George Costanza liked to completely undress when he dropped a deuce but a completely naked man jerking off in front of you is twice as awkward as a guy who keeps at least his shirt on).  Here are a few possible questions:

• Do you find penises attractive?
• Do you find me attractive?
• Have you ever seen a grown man naked before?
• Would you like to see this grown man naked?
• Can you keep a secret?

Hard to believe a guy like that would have to force women into watching him jerk it.  In trying to wrap my head around this whole concept what really throws me for a loop is the ability to even get into performance mode under these circumstances.  My dog walks into the bathroom while I’m in the shower enjoying some much deserved alone time and it can send me into a complete tailspin even though she is pretty much entirely blind.  I can’t imagine trying to get the job done with two distraught women helplessly watching me.  “just give me another couple minutes ladies, I know I can get there, it’s been a tough. day.”  Once I saw the first yawn I’d be done for.

A second issue with this whole deal is the fact that this was premeditated.  He invited these two women to his room after a comedy show.  I am pretty sure he didn’t get the ball rolling by saying “you know I invited you guys up here to run a few different ideas for my new act by you but for some reason I really feel like masturbating instead, you guys mind?”  On top of that, jerking off in the corner while you make them watch is possibly the creepiest thing a guy could do, (a chick masturbating in front of two dudes, erotic, a guy in front of two chicks disgusting) he would have been much better off propositioning them to also get naked and see where things lead.  Had that been disclosed years later the reaction probably would have been “oh yeah, that’s completely normal.”  The reality is that it may have not even been newsworthy.

This happened quite a while ago as did the other things disclosed by women centering around Mr. CK’s jerking habits.  While I haven’t followed his career all that closely, I am quite certain back in 2002 when the this originally happened he wasn’t to the point in his career that he could be certain his celebrity would allow him to do this kind of thing and end up completely unscathed.  While there were indications that his manager attempted to black ball these two women, the fact that they were female comedians was probably enough to keep them from being successful, and their only real opportunity at setting themselves apart from all the other unfunny female comedians was to come out with this story.  Louis Ck had to know at some point this shit was going to surface and when it did it would likely torpedo his career.

In light of that fact, and also the fact that he was a successful comedian who likely had money and a hotel room to himself,  why not just get a prostitute and or two and jerk away?  I realize it’s not the same jerking off in front of a complete stranger as opposed to people you work with, but can’t you just pretend?

I know how sex typically ends, you clean up and go to sleep, or if you are really tired you just go to sleep.  Typically when a guy blows his load he goes from 7,000 rpm’s on the horny scale to negative 3,000, I can’t imagine what Louie was thinking immediately after accomplishing his goal.  “man I really should have planned this out a little better, I’m completely naked and I don’t have a towel or anything else near me, could one of you ladies do me a favor, grab me that robe over there and a washcloth from the bathroom?” Did he shake their hands on their way out the door?  Possibly go in for the hug and a kiss on the cheek.  Seriously, what is the proper good bye after you have just jerked off in front of two of your colleagues?  “man I am famished, you guys want me to order up some room service?  Shit, room service ends at 11, I saw a Taco Bell down the street, what do you say we make a run for the border?”