Last night I came home from water skiing to find that my kids were actually in bed and Shirley was watching the Bachelorette.  One of these things surprised me and one didn’t.  Shirley has an amazing tolerance for terrible reality TV, she loves Survivor, Bachelor, and Big Brother.   My kids have no tolerance for going to bed until the sun has completely set, they are the antithesis of a vampire.    Shirley claimed that the kids were waiting for me to get home and that I needed to go check on them.  I actually think she was hoping I would go upstairs, see my bed, and decide it was a much better option than being forced to watch the Bachelorette in an attempt to wait her out.  Fortunately for me I decided to see what this installment of the Bachelorette had to offer.

It’s pretty obvious that the Bachelorette and Bachelor are loosely casted and not a random draw and likely scripted. They have to have either a super crazy chick or a super douchey guy depending on if it’s the Bachelor or Bachelorette.  I joined the episode in progress and they were going to ESPN in LA for a group date.  Some of the potential suitors were doing their interviews as they led up to the  group date and were alluding to a specific guy who they all thought was going to ruin the group date.  I asked Shirley who the douche bag was and she said “you’ll see.”  It was fairly obvious as the group date progressed that this season’s go to DB was Chad.  Ultimately he ended up calling all the guys out for immediately telling the Bachelorette that she was amazing and that spending time with her made them the happiest people on the planet.  He went on to chastise them for falling all over themselves to impress her asking them if they had ever been around a beautiful women before?

I have to commend Chad for going after his fellow contestants.  Seriously, what if this year’s Bachelorette, JO JO, has nipple hair?  I’m sorry but these guys would not be treating her like the second coming of Scarlet Johansen if she had nipple hair, that’s a deal breaker my friends, I dated a girl in college who had this affliction and let me tell you it was quite difficult to get past.  Even my own nipple hair, and I’m a guy, grosses me out.  Despite the ridiculousness of their immediate undying affection for someone who could have the stinkiest farts in the world or own multiple cats, these guys are all in merely because you have to be, it’s how you win the game.

Little did I know that this episode was actually last weeks episode and not the most current installment of the show.  However, it was a great introduction to Chad and he doubled down as the episode progressed and thanks to the amazing invention called the DVR I can hopefully catch up before tonight’s episode.  (Shirley stayed up and watch the most recent episode but even my sex drive couldn’t keep me awake through another episode of the Bachelorette, the only problem is I’m not sure how I feel about watching an episode of the Bachelorette by myself)  A large contingent of the guys on the show hate Chad and are perplexed by the fact that the Jo Jo can’t decipher what a gigantic douche the guy actually is.  The conglomerate of Chad haters is spearheaded by some guy who looks to be about 5’2′, has a bunch of tats, and claims to be a former marine.

Wether he loves a person or hates a person he refers to them as bro which automatically makes him an even bigger douche than everyone who was a cast member on Jersey Shore.  The entire conglomerate were putty in Chad’s hand and he did what every nut job ever to appear on the show does, he butted in to everyone else’s one on one time with the Jo Jo and stole her away from them.  Classic move by Chad that infuriated all of the other contestants causing them to become completely unhinged.  Needless to say, our 5’2 bro had a confrontation with Chad that almost led to fisticuffs but clearly indicated that both these guys were going to be getting roses for the foreseeable future.  Seriously either one of them could give Jo Jo a Dutch Oven and they would get a rose because ABC is not going to let these guys leave.  This was further affirmed at the Rose ceremony where Chad received the final rose.

Heterosexual bachelor/bachelorette is a somewhat entertaining show that I have learned to live with because my willingness to watch it shows my complete and utter dedication to my wife and typically results in a pay off.  However, why does this show have to be limited to men pursing a women or a group of  women pursuing a man.  Can’t we have men after a man or women after a woman?  Of course we can’t, no one, regardless of how open minded they may seem or actually be wants to watch that unfold over a season of television.  It’s quite evident that the networks, as liberal as they may be,  realize this is ratings suicide and don’t want to have their only advertising options be the WNBA, Amazon, and Ben & Jerry’s ice cream.    I’m fairly open minded and I wouldn’t want to see a homosexual version of either show, unless it was comprised entirely of hot lesbians (which is probably an impossibility)  having pillow fights in their underwear, i’d watch that all day every day.

This idea of having a version of the bachelor for each sexual orientation leads to a somewhat related issue that was receiving quite a bit of attention a little over a month ago.  The idea that we need to create transgender restrooms.  Here’s the deal, when I was in high school the toilet stall in the 10th grade boy’s room didn’t have a door on it.  My entire sophomore year I never took a shit at school.   This may seem strange, but 10th grade was the youngest grade when I was in high school and there was no way I was venturing into another grade level’s restroom to try and take a crap, constipation as awful as it may seem, was a welcome alternative to going big ock in unchartered territory.   I learned to adapt and knew that if I wanted to take a shit during the day I would have to do so under extreme conditions.  The result, I didn’t take a shit at school.  My oldest doesn’t poop at daycare because they feel he’s capable of wiping his own butt and would make him do so (he’s not, at least not effectively) he’s a chip off the old block, at least when it comes to pooping at school, I’m fairly competent at wiping myself.

So if I was put through such extreme bathroom anxiety when I was in 10th grade, a particularly stressful time of life even if your high school has a door on the stall of the bathroom, why shouldn’t transgendered individuals be able to navigate bathroom distress?  Besides, haven’t these people proposing transgender restrooms heard of Speedway gas stations?   Speedway gas stations not only  have the most incredible fountain drink selection they also have individual bathrooms where you can lock the entrance so no one can join you.  Speedways are just about everywhere, however I would suggest avoiding the restrooms at the Speedway locations that have bullet proof glass protecting the cashiers, those tend to be a bit dicey,  only in the most dire of circumstances have I dropped a deuce at one of those locations.  That being said, unless you are miles and miles away from a gas station or a student at South Christian high school, there is no practical need for this country to spend millions of dollars to accommodate a small segment of society requesting facilities that typically are readily available to them.