I pulled some political strings and was able to garner a meeting with Jeb Bush and Marco Rubio.  The reason for the meeting was obvious to me, Florida is really missing out on what could be an incredible marketing campaign, and with Jeb and in a short amount of time Marco, having little to nothing to do, why not give them a task that will give them a sense of purpose.  Here’s how it all shook out:

“OK guys here’s what I was thinking, Florida needs a new tag line, while the sunshine state is great, I think it’s been overdone and has little to no traction at this point.  I just spent a week in Florida and the state smells like death.  They should have all their toll takers dressed in Crypt Keeper outfits just to really get the point across, this is the place to die.  I’m old, in normal standards against a typical demographic of your average citizenry I’m really fucking old, but every time I looked around in Florida there wasn’t anyone within 20 years of me.  I felt like I was back in high school up against all of these old farts I continually was running across.”

“Not sure where I would come in on this, I realize I have nothing going on right now, but what is there for me to do as far as attracting younger people to Florida?”  asked Jeb quizzically pointing to the fact that he had tried to get his parents to move to Florida for the past ten years.

“I’m in the same boat.  I have been doing everything in my power to beat Trump and have little to no pull at this time in respects to Florida.  Besides, what’s in it for me?”  stated Rubio.

“Here’s the deal.  We can’t just have a state that is solely dependent on the elderly and illegal aliens interspersed with tourists.  We need to get some actual people with families and children who earn a living and have the ability to pay more than $5 a year in taxes.  People who are rooted to Florida and consider it home.  I realize that concept is laughable at this point, and that no one this side of 65 is willing to call the sunshine state home, there has to be a way to draw people here.  For god sakes we did away with state income tax and that did absolutely nothing.  I figure we do a study to determine if the smell of death and the nuisance that is the elderly can be overcome, and what exactly it will take to overcome that.”

“What does that have to do with us? Rubio and I, well we are two of the twelve families not already drawing social security that actually call Florida home, why do you need us?” said Jeb with a bit of a glimmer in his eye thinking he may actually have something of worth to do for the first time in decades.

“Jim Carrey pretty much nailed it when he said in Dumb and Dumber to the elderly women he wanted to keep an eye on his scooter, you know the elderly although slow and dangerous behind the wheel, can serve a purpose, now don’t you go dying on me now.  Truer words have never been spoken.  We just need to figure out what that purpose actually is.  I just need you guys to believe that the elderly, and the state of Florida are worth fighting for.”

“Here’s the deal, we get that immigration reform I’ve been clamoring about actually put in place and things will take care of themselves, we will have more people under the age of 30 than were stupid enough to purchase Beats By Dre headphones.  Let me tell you, that demographic is composed of mindless sheep, sure I’ll pay $200 for a pair of headphones strictly based on the fact that they look pretty.  So, we open the doors to just about anyone who wants to live with a population that is closer to death than Bernie Sanders, and we tell them that when all these people die they can have their shit.  Sound crazy? it really isn’t, old people can’t hear anything, don’t understand anything, and are in bed by 8pm.  It would be quite easy to change the laws so that anyone who dies in Florida forfeits all of their properly to the State of Florida.  The remaining residents who actually work and pay taxes, not state because we have no state income tax, are eligible for a lottery where they can win the dead people’s shit.” said Rubio with more enthusiasm than he was ever ale to muster in his campaign for the Republican presidential nomination.

“The two of you are complete buffoons, and have very little talent, but you decided to live in a state where half the population can’t even remember their own name so you didn’t have to do a whole lot to become relevant and unfortunately, influential.  I think Rubio’s idea may actually work and you guys are probably the only two idiots who could sell it to the power brokers in Florida.   It’s that influence that we need to key in on to turn this state from eerily resembling an episode of the Walking Dead to a 2016 version of Melrose Place.  If you two start greasing some palms and making connections with state legislators I have no doubt that that new law will attract enough millenials to make this state relevant again, and to more than drug companies catering to the elderly and Geriatric Care specialists (doctors for the old).  We get enough millenials to move here they will take even more than the elderly could ever dream of taking, causing a collapse in the state infrastructure, this in turn will result in the hapless and helpless elderly finding themselves completely lost and wither immediately dying or moving to another location.  We flip the population so it consists mostly of millenials and Florida now has that edgy tone and feeling of pretty much every show on the CW.”

“OK, we are in, but I don’t want Jenna moving here, I could see her doing that, she’s a selfish little bitch who will do just about anything for a free ride, as long as you can assure me that she won’t follow all the other millenials in here, Rubio and I are in.”