Often times I’ve fantasized about what I would do if I hit the power ball jackpot.  Obviously I would take the lump sum payment instead of spreading the pay out over a period of time (time value of money makes this best option from a fiscal standpoint, or so I have been told) and I would undoubtedly have the worlds awesomest collection of UGGS foot ware.  One other thing Shirley and I have thought about doing with the money would be to set up a nonprofit that focuses on providing birth control to the underprivileged.  In order for this idea to work we would likely need to incentivize (pay people) to be on birth control.

I’ve made mention of this to other people in passing, but it seems there are three things most economically challenged people have in common.  And when I say economically challenged I mean poor, it’s like calling people special who really aren’t special because it sounds better than the alternative.  Most of the economically deprived I have run across have tattoos, a nicotine habit, and way too many pets.

Once upon a time a buddy of mine talked me into subbing in a rec basketball league at the Y.  One of the players on the team was fresh out of jail,  had tatoo sleeves on each arm and was apparently using basketball as means to get out some pent up aggression from his stint in the slammer.  Every pick the guy set was illegal and had the potential of putting me on injured reserve for the rest of my life.  I attempted to explain to him that this was uncalled for but it seemed to  make him even angrier and actually seek me out to set his bone jarring picks instead of just setting them on whichever teammate of mine happened to be in his general vicinity.  Ultimately he ended up setting such an awful pick on me that I decided to walk off the court and leave, but before I left  I told him “those tattoos are going to look really good when you are 80!”  They already looked terrible, but when he ends up with the inevitable jello arms that all people in their 70’s and 80’s have, they will be indistinguishable.

While I realize having a pet is pretty much a god given right that is mentioned some where in the Constitution or possibly the Declaration of Independence, I would think that some common sense would come into play when deciding if you should have a pet or not.  OK, so I could have a dog or a car that starts on a fairly regular basis and be able to feed me kids at least two meals a day.  Well, I like walking and my kids are getting kind of fat from all the government cheese they have been eating, time to come up with some dog names.

The nicotine thing is even more perplexing than the misplaced tattoos and the budget draining pets.  The upside to smoking does seem to be quite high, but I would think the trade off of potential lung caner, smelling like ass, and having everything taste like burnt tires would be a deal breaker, even in light of how cool smoking makes a person appear.  But even if you were to disregard those minor issues, there’s the cost.  Smoking is quite expensive.  There’s really no way around that, and it seems that most people who struggle financially either smoke cigarettes or chew tobacco.  I’m really not one of those people who tries to get into other people’s business, but if you are sucking off the government tit, I feel that you should be prohibited from spending $15 a day on cigarettes.  (that comes out to roughly $5,475 a year)

I said that there were three things that most economically challenged individuals are up against, but there is actually a fourth.  A lack of discretion when it comes to procreating.  In my line of work I run into a wide range of people.  It seems across the lower socio economic classes there is disregard for family planning, and having as many children as the good lord dictates is the preferred method of sexual activity instead of acting socially responsible and either wrapping it tight or utilizing other forms of birth control.

While I don’t have problem with people who make poor economic choices (I’ve made plenty myself)  I do have a problem when parent’s make poor economic choices that have negative consequences for their children.  Children didn’t ask to be born into a situation that is a complete shit sandwich, so why should they be punished for their parent’s irresponsible behavior.  My not for profit idea will likely meet some resistance from conservatives who don’t feel it is appropriate to promote responsible behavior because you are at the same time promoting immoral behavior.  The sad part is, in an ideal world the government would realize that it could save billions of dollars by incentivizing birth control among it’s most promiscuous and poor segments of population so they don’t have to pay for the welfare costs of those children born to the poor and indigent.

However, they are hamstrung from having much involvement in this due to the strenuous objections of the moral conservatives.  Unfortunately, the moral right’s short sightedness makes them unable to realize not everyone believes or lives by the same moral code they adhere to, and even those who do often times are overpowered by their sexual urges.  The reality is, teenagers are going to have sex regardless of there being birth control options available to them.  Furthermore, by incentivizing the use of birth control you will also bring about a drop in the abortion rate. WIN! WIN!

So, how do I make this pipe dream a reality?  While I’d love to win the lotto someday the odds of me doing so are astronomical even if I played the lotto on a regular basis, and I don’t.  It seems like there are two possibilities to get this dream off the ground.  Contact the birth control manufactures and have them hire a lobbyist to get this thing off the ground.  How could they not love this idea? It would be like section 8 housing for the drug companies.  The government pays for the birth control so you are guaranteed to get paid, and as long as the recipients keep receiving their incentive checks they will continue to utilize birth control.  The other option would be to find a progressive thinking philanthropic millionaire or billionaire who would fund this project.  If anyone knows of any such people or a way to get directly in touch with the drug companies let me know, I’ll take it from there.